save your sanity for later.

Sometimes, late at night, as I'm lying in bed, trying to fall asleep for the 2nd or 5th time that day or night (or whatever) and (inevitably) crying for no particular reason—I think about calling someone. I think, maybe—probably— they would answer, try to console me, tell me that things are going to get better, lie to me, and I would believe them.

I don't call.

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A couple days after New Year's, I was lying in bed and I thought, appropos of nothing, the world probably isn't actually going to end in December.

I was, I realized, rather disappointed.

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I always thought that I would get what I wanted or die trying.

And now, it looks like I'm going to do neither.

If you still have a LJ account (for you DWers) or if you are reading this on LJ, and have ever paid by credit card for anything on LJ——

CHECK YOUR ACCOUNT STATUS PAGE.

Some people's 'automatic payments' have been turned back on* without their consent.

*In some cases, even if they were NEVER ON IN THE FIRST PLACE.

(In related news, I'm just facepalming at the amount of fail here. This latest fuckup by LJ just happens to be actively illegal.)

I know I have things to say, I just ... don't have the words to say them.

With that in mind, I'm opening the field to questions.

All comments will be screened—I will answer them (and anonymize the senders) in future entries.

Please ask whatever comes to mind—I'll make sure it is answered, whatever it is.

I need to talk; I just need direction.

Had argument today with social worker about nature of reality.

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I'm not even making this shit up. I wish I were.