just don't lie to me

Regarding distractions:

I can't even enjoy reading my normal fare right now. I have the concentration for it; I make it through the story, but it has no benefit. It's fantasy, it's lies.

Something bleak would undoubtedly not have that drawback, but I have never been able to cultivate a taste for unhappy endings.

she's just like the weather, can't hold her together

According to the file creation date, I wrote this last January. I don't think that's true, I think it's older than that, but I didn't date it at the time so I'm not sure when exactly I did write it. I didn't post it in my journal at the time, so the date of its creation will have to remain a mystery.

It remains as true as it was whenever I wrote it, however.

---

i do not love you
like the sheets of rain that come
when you walk the dogs, and soak you
suddenly, leaving you to curse
and come in dripping, sky clearing behind
your bad timing.

i do not love you
as a steady drizzle,
misting through the air,
miasma of fog coalescing and spiraling,
until you feel you can't trust the impenetrable murk
not to take you unawares,
to sometime in the past,
or the future,
never quite believing
you'll get to where you're going
until you get here, headlights on bright all the way.

i don't love you
like a lake, still and deep and ripples
where stones hit it, hiding unseen
depths, with rotting wood, decomposition of leaves
and algae bloom.

i would love you
if i could,
from shining sea to rocky shores,
salt scented clean brisk bracing breeze
lapping waves, and much deeper canyons of reserve than
man could ever explore.

but instead,

my love is
hurricane, tsunami, deadly tropical storm.
suddenly & without warning,
too much, and much too fast
do i love you, drowning
all the levees,
and you, alone, adrift,
undertow pulling
inexorably, inevitably out to sea

destruction i never meant to wreak.