erika | Entries tagged with list

No news remains no news, and not much of good news, aside from the fact that we may not go to trial.

it's a pleasure to rediscover that having someone I really like around more means wanting to have them around more.

I've decided I'm too old to not be serious about my life anymore. Yes, this last birthday happened to be the big 3-0, but let's be real: I could've made this decision at any point in the last decade if I hadn't been so fucking shell-shocked that I managed to make it past 21 without offing myself.

So in the last week, I did the following things in this order:

Monday: got diagnosed with a skin infection
got severely grossed out
made plans to move out

Tuesday: moved all of my toiletries and at least half of my active wardrobe; spent the night at my new place, which I'm sharing with three other people.

Wednesday: got my peer recovery specialist certification

thursday: locked my keys in the car, went to therapy.

Friday: Went to work, did not die from the death of a thousand overdoing things.

Today's dollar store win: Red Hots cinnamon gum.

Today's dollar store loss: blistex chapstick that manages to trigger my main allergy to a type of scent anchor commonly found in laundry detergents.

Current Mood: exanimate
Current Music: CL - Hello Bitches
Crossposts: http://saveyoursanity.livejournal.com/627513.html

I wrote this whole thing up about what being an INFJ means to me and lost it, of course.

( Data loss is the norm around here )

I'm a bit pissed, but not strongly so, because realistically, the Meyers Briggs is a scientific crock of shit. I've been in therapy for ten years, and I can tell you that whatever article you can google up, the vast majority of the psychology community doesn't mention the MBTI, comment on it, or place any validity on its merits.

Psychologists love personality tests, but they're scientists, too. The MBTI lacks specificity and reproducibility, the quality and capacity of measuring reliably and getting the same results time after time——those two things don't happen for this "test", like Rorscarch blots and the dubiously brilliant, seemingly-semi-logical intuition-based bullshit of Freud.

That having been said, the MBTI is a great measure of something, alright, the same thing that horoscopes measure, and that is how much we believe in a specific concept about ourselves.

QED, that's why me and half of tumblr are INFJs. (Also, I'm a Scorpio with Scorpio Rising and half my houses in Scorpio, so fuck me, it pisses me off this stuff can seem accurate to the point where I'm even "the type that doesn't like types".)

You can probably replace INFJ with "person who thinks INFJ describes them" in all of the below, which is mainly just advice giving regardless. Even though my scientific doubts remain after spending two weeks reading about the MBTI, reading these descriptions and information likewise remain an interesting way of looking at myself from one outside perspective.

( With all of the above in mind, here are my links. )

Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: X Ambassadors - Renegades
Crossposts: http://saveyoursanity.livejournal.com/626392.html

So Monday: County attorney calls. Find out Josh has a lawyer and he's expensive; never good news. Doctor's appt. He wrote me the most supportive doctor's note I've ever seen.

Tuesday: Gave Aidyn and the ferrets back to Josh, via his lawyer.

Wednesday: Hearing for the Civil Protection Order. Find out Josh has hired a lovely victim blaming costly lawyer. Am amused (because so much evidence, you think I was born yesterday?), but also furious.

Thursday: ~~~lalala fairies or packing or something~~~

Friday: Went back to work and begged for something; am starting in a two-hours-a-week supervised position. Thank god.

Saturday: ~~~packing~~~ talked to my parents. They're keeping the cats. Anyone want a cat?

Sunday: cast rehearsal!

Current Mood: productive
Current Music: Taylor Swift - Shake It Off
Crossposts: http://saveyoursanity.livejournal.com/620588.html

put on socks (have not worn socks since March, fuck you Iowa, I'm moving to California)
go to grocery store for
tampons
conditioner
... probably something i'm not remembering atm?
take shower

call boss
ask for appt
~~ask if i still have a job~~ persuant to her email, i basically do not have a job anymore unless I beg

call landlord
explain when i'm leaving...
figure out when i'm leaving
moving out the 15th-17th.

clean ferret cage
clean upstairs to vague semblance of order
~~post to~~

bitesizedcleaning and update there

Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Icona Pop - I Love It
Crossposts: http://saveyoursanity.livejournal.com/619898.html

State of the

erika, March 2013!

Physical body:

Still have guttate psoriasis. Still pronouncing psoriasis wrong. Itchy as fuck.

Want a tattoo. Dunno if I'll actually get one. Money is always an issue.

Mentalness:

Spring and/or summer can't come fast enough. Whichever one is gonna lift my mood, because fuck, I've been trying to ignore the fact that I'm probably moderately clinically depressed and edging very carefully around a severe depression for the last two months, and I'm running out of ignore here.

Leaving the house:
- I don't wanna do it.
- Still, I saw panda a few days ago, which was good and awesome and all that stuff. Even managed to return her slippers.
Seeing a doctor I don't already know is now a trigger for me. (As usual, this only triggers me in person, although no one online has suggested I see a doctor yet, la la, so who knows.)
Reason for realizing this: I had 3 panic attacks in a row and went into flashbacks when Josh casually suggested I see a doctor about the psoriasis still on my arms. Great.

To combat this, I have done the following:
1. called my psychiatrist and gotten a med increase of prazosin and clonazepam
2. called the person who does funding for the county (they fund my social worker, forex, which Medicare doesn't cover) to see if i could get couples' counselling covered (answer: no)
3. talked to my social worker about accompanying me to appointments with new doctors
4. talked to an advocate for SA survivors to see if she
  - would be willing to be with me when I meet the doctor who heads the new 'GLBT' clinic who can possibly become my primary care physician or set me up with a new PCP
  - has any ideas on which suggestions I should implement for furthering my hospital complaint

That was a lot of phone calls. Go me.

Josh!

still wants to do couples' counselling. Thinks it would be good to do soon. I have no idea how to get this done. Well, that's not entirely true.
- Gina (my social worker) suggested contacting Domestic Violence Interventions agency in town, who may be able to refer to low-price or free counsellors who work for them; I'm not worried about DV in this relationship (because I'd be gone like a shot if that were the case) but they are probably used to dealing with people who are traumatized in the past.
He's not allowed in my parents' house (current residence) though because of a long story involving buying my dad's car and then having a very low speed 'wreck' into the ditch because of bad weather before it was transferred off my parents' insurance...

But whatever, fuck it, because I don't give a shit anymore and neither should anyone else, considering my dad owes me a hell of a lot more money than that car is worth and I don't bitch at him about it.

I hate it when I can't see him for longer than the few days we normally have. It tends to make me even less amenable to logic than usual.

Otherwise, relationship is good in general.
- Physicality continues to be amazing.
- Communication slowly getting better, though not easily.
- He understands me so well it constantly amazes me; he really pays attention to what I want and need and respects my boundaries.
- He doesn't expect me to be anyone other than what I am and vehemently rejects the idea that I should change in any way "for" him.
- Conflicts seem to be settled quickly, when I can actually bring myself to talk about them (see communication stuff above).
- His flaws are stuff I can pretty easily live with, and I feel confident that the things which greatly bother me can be planned around and dealt with. He's on board with that stuff too, which is SO important.

Dreamwidth:

I want to be around a lot more. Journalling is really important to me and I feel like I've dropped the ball on that recently.
That having been said, expect more comments from me! I ♥ you all.

I keep trying to think of other things that have happened to update y'all on, but that's the problem with not updating... it tends to become a vicious cycle and I forget the important stuff I meant to mention. LE SIGH.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: The Killers - On Top
Crossposts: http://saveyoursanity.livejournal.com/604980.html

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save your sanity for later.

My medication goes to 11.

Entries tagged with list

yeah they know me, and they singing every word like they was at the karaoke

long live the pioneers, rebels and mutineers

dancing on my own, make the moves up as i go

i threw your shit into a bag and crashed it down the stairs

I've been down across the road or two (the day is breaking, we're still here)

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