but i'm just frozen here on the same old spot.

[erika]

I miss you so badly, but it's not a good idea to talk to you. So I've been told by a lot of people that I respect and trust, and so I believe, sometimes. Enough that it's not fair to you to subject you to my doubts.

I miss you so hard. There's snow on the ground and the pristine white reminds me of the first time we met, how nervous I was, how I couldn't believe you were actually here. Before any of this happened, before I hurt you over and over again, before I failed you.

I miss you, bright like a color. It was angry red, then faded to a darker maroon, now it's losing its vibrant angst & going grey. It doesn't hurt like it used to, but it hurts quite enough for me. I don't have the strength to do this again; maybe I'm weak, or maybe I just loved you too much to lose you again.

I miss you so much, but I don't think it's a good idea for us to be friends. I want to put you back in that place, that safe place where I thought of you as forever, back in the warm and comfortable embrace of love that I still hold for you. Deny it though I might, deny it though I have.

I know you probably don't believe any of this. I lied to you unintentionally so many times; I can't blame you.

I miss you and I'm so sorry.