we may make it through the war if we make it through the night

[erika]

I was in Seattle for the last week. Well, also in Vancouver for two days, met Javina in person for the first time (entry about that coming up), & then back to Seattle.

The second day I was there, I became quite upset because the friend I was staying with—the person whom, prior to this visit, I would have described as my best friend—Alena— is ... well, I came to realize that she's not my best friend anymore.

There were a lot of reasons for this realization: she has a life that's entirely separate from mine, we don't talk very often, she has a lot of new friends, she doesn't really seem to care about me all that much more than as just an acquaintance, etc etc, down to the fact that she decorates with mementoes of her friends & she doesn't have anything of/from me.

It hurt a lot at the time, but now I don't feel anything. I'm not entirely sure how to handle it—do I just let her drift off, iceberg floe in the distance? Do I say something & risk crashing into that iceberg?

I don't really think it's reparable—not with the amount of effort that she generally puts into our relationship— so ... I guess there's no point in saying anything to her.

Thus, to mark the end of a friendship.

Comments

[thegorgon]

Those undefined friend breakups are the worst, I think, because there's never any real closure. Just that realization that someone who was once integral to your life... isn't. Which can be heartbreaking in a weird way that nobody ever teaches you how to process. *hugs*

[dydan]

THIS.