the battle in my mind still fights me

[erika]

I finished my RVAP training. It was pretty rough.

Today is the last day of my older brother's visit. It's been not as ... well, actually, it's been exactly as bad as I thought, except I wasn't expecting him to remodel the fucking bathroom while he was here.

And leave it half finished! Thanks, brah.

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Wrote that yesterday. I'm blocked on writing anything else pretty much, including journalling and discussion comments for my online class.

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I don't really feel anything right now. It reminds me of that quote from Short Circuit:

It's a machine, Schroeder.
It doesn't get 'pissed off'.
It doesn't get happy,
it doesn't get sad,
it doesn't laugh at your jokes... 
...IT JUST RUNS PROGRAMS!

In this scenario, of course, I'm the machine. As if you couldn't tell, but far be it from me to not belabor a point.

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I'm going to ask my therapist if we can go to weekly sessions again. I worry think I might be destabilizing.

Comments

[shanaqui]

Good luck with the therapy. I hope you can get weekly sessions -- or anything that will help.

[singdreamlove]

Oh I would be so frustrated if someone came to visit, started remodeling a room, and then left before they finished it. It would drive me crazy that it was "undone."

[erika]

Yeah... I'm not exactly happy.