erika | last night i dreamt one thousand lies / i could see the dawn through a different set of eyes

Surgery went well, as someone of you know from the comments I've made on the last post. I'm trying to catch up with dreamwidth, slowly but surely.

I would adore some love at the words and deeds thread if you have any to go around for me.

untonuggan was kind enough to start my thread. If not me, feel free to check out everyone else's thread.

And in a bitchy reversal from what I wrote above about 12 hours ago...

Josh and I found the perfect house yesterday. And I mean, it is perfect. Unfortunately the owner called me twenty minutes ago to say that they're renting it to someone else.

He's at his first day of work right now. I'm trying really really hard not to sit here and go through my list of mistakes and cry myself to sleep. I hate these fucking painkillers; they don't even work and they make me high as a kite. I have to stay awake and I have to wait for the estimate on my goddamn car's rear brakes so that I can authorize the work and I can't take more painkillers because I'm already loopy enough and I have to make sure that none of the dogs jumps on my stomach and nausea, fuck. Fuck nausea. I can't shower because I'm not steady enough to be on my feet by myself for that long, I can't sleep yet because no phone call, just ... fuck. I hate the world.

I completely humiliated myself yesterday, and I feel like I'm falling down a goddamn endless flight of stairs at the moment. At least my bucket is keeping me company.