As a dreamer of dreams and a travelin' man
Monday, October 21st, 2013 02:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
erikaI'm doing a thing. Me and Josh are doing a thing, maybe, with a friend who probably does not want to be named right now so I'm going to respect her privacy.
75% of me is convinced this is an amazing idea. and 20% of me thinks it's an amazing idea but i'm the worst person in the world for needing this much attention. and 5% thinks i'm going to spontaneously combust tomorrow but that's pretty much always there.
I'm not going to lie, I literally JUST introduced the idea last Friday, so we're still all considering it, but early signs are really surprisingly positive.
My friends and my therapist probably think I'm insane, of course, but that's par for the course. (And this time I've only had two people say basically 'you're a fucking idiot and this is going to blow up in your face'!)
But come on, I need all the attention 5eva and Josh is the world's crankiest introvert. Introducing a mostly-lesbian great friend who doesn't want to be weighed down with intense commitment actually fills all of our needs REALLY WELL—her needs for intimacy and for space are both respected, my need for more attention ALL THE TIME is calmed because two people are admitting they adore me and want to make me happy, so I'm not in a starvation economy, and I'm pretty confident that Josh and I are forever and he couldn't find anyone who would make him happier.
Mostly.
And Josh been talking with his therapist for six weeks about how maybe he shouldn't be in a committed relationship because I'm kind of a burden, not that that's an indictment of me! I'm REALLY FUCKING HIGH MAINTENANCE. Some people are like that!
And lately he's been really, really down about spending time with me, having sex with me, basically any activity that involves talking to someone, and I know it's probably his job at a call center, but we can't guarantee that changing jobs would help. I don't actually WANT to be upset about not getting enough attention—— but Josh is basically perfect for me and tries so hard to make me happy and I just... need more than he can give me.
What it all comes down to is... really, what the fuck do I care if he sleeps with someone else, especially if that person is one of my closest friends who I also want to be intimate with? I would LOVE to see them both that happy, and basically I just want all the cuddling and reading fanfic together ykwim?
And also sex. But mostly the reading fanfic together, and 95%-straight boys are shit for that, srsly. IT'S CALLED SUBTEXT.
Josh and I have to talk with her and everybody has to get to know each other, especially Josh and [friend], and somebody's probably going to have to move but not for a year or so and there will be visits before that and blah blah.
(Also, thing is, though, I went out with my sister on Saturday and mentioned it because I can't talk about anything else right now, and she had to REMIND me that she was in a triad for four years.)
75% of me is convinced this is an amazing idea. and 20% of me thinks it's an amazing idea but i'm the worst person in the world for needing this much attention. and 5% thinks i'm going to spontaneously combust tomorrow but that's pretty much always there.
I'm not going to lie, I literally JUST introduced the idea last Friday, so we're still all considering it, but early signs are really surprisingly positive.
My friends and my therapist probably think I'm insane, of course, but that's par for the course. (And this time I've only had two people say basically 'you're a fucking idiot and this is going to blow up in your face'!)
But come on, I need all the attention 5eva and Josh is the world's crankiest introvert. Introducing a mostly-lesbian great friend who doesn't want to be weighed down with intense commitment actually fills all of our needs REALLY WELL—her needs for intimacy and for space are both respected, my need for more attention ALL THE TIME is calmed because two people are admitting they adore me and want to make me happy, so I'm not in a starvation economy, and I'm pretty confident that Josh and I are forever and he couldn't find anyone who would make him happier.
Mostly.
And Josh been talking with his therapist for six weeks about how maybe he shouldn't be in a committed relationship because I'm kind of a burden, not that that's an indictment of me! I'm REALLY FUCKING HIGH MAINTENANCE. Some people are like that!
And lately he's been really, really down about spending time with me, having sex with me, basically any activity that involves talking to someone, and I know it's probably his job at a call center, but we can't guarantee that changing jobs would help. I don't actually WANT to be upset about not getting enough attention—— but Josh is basically perfect for me and tries so hard to make me happy and I just... need more than he can give me.
What it all comes down to is... really, what the fuck do I care if he sleeps with someone else, especially if that person is one of my closest friends who I also want to be intimate with? I would LOVE to see them both that happy, and basically I just want all the cuddling and reading fanfic together ykwim?
And also sex. But mostly the reading fanfic together, and 95%-straight boys are shit for that, srsly. IT'S CALLED SUBTEXT.
Josh and I have to talk with her and everybody has to get to know each other, especially Josh and [friend], and somebody's probably going to have to move but not for a year or so and there will be visits before that and blah blah.
(Also, thing is, though, I went out with my sister on Saturday and mentioned it because I can't talk about anything else right now, and she had to REMIND me that she was in a triad for four years.)
