tell me we both matter, don't we? (it's you and me, won't be unhappy)

Feeling much better this morning, as I usually do. Very glad I didn't try to break up with Rob last night like was my knee-jerk reaction to feeling this bad and not wanting him to feel bad too.

Fuck I wish my therapy appts weren't every two weeks and I had one this week. (They're every 2 weeks right now because of insurance.)

I have to change. There's no other option, if I want to make this work, and I desperately want it to work because I really do care about him and love him.

So basically the problem is: When I feel like shit my first impulse is to break up with my boyfriend, Rob, because I feel like he doesn't deserve to be around someone who is constantly putting him through shit.

( Cognitive Behavioral Therapy hat ON. )

All your pain will end here / Let the doctor soothe your brain, dear

Oh yes,
in other news, I got my test results back from the doctor.

Besides angering the fuck out of me by not giving me actual numbers (except for the shit that's wrong) or reference ranges (so I can tell them they're using the wrong reference range like they were 2 years ago)——everything mostly appears to be fine.

"Your kidney, thyroid functions are normal." WHAT THE FUCK IS NORMAL WHEN YOU DON'T GIVE ME NUMBERS OR REFERENCE RANGES, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

Moving on!

My liver enzymes are a little elevated: it's processing 5 medications, so I'd like to ask wtf do you expect, GP?

My triglycerides are high and my HDL is low—this is actually typical of people with PCOS, so I'm surprised my GP didn't mention that, but then again this is practically a form letter, and also she's a [censored for non-woman-friendly language].

Surprisingly, I do not have diabetes. I'm sure my A1C or whatever test they ran to determine that must've been perfect or my doctor would've been ALL over it, because when she looked at me she was thinking "you are type 2 diabetic," I could see it in her face when she talked about the likelihood of diabetes. Fat people always get diabetes, don't you know, and it's THEIR fault.

"I will let you work on your diet and weight and we will repeat this in 3-6 months." I will repeat my foot up your ass because I'm changing physicians.

Side note: I don't think I mentioned it in the entry where I originally talked about going to see the GP for the first time in like 10 years but basically, this doctor

• chewed me out for being overweight and said I'd be pretty if I weren't fat


• said I had "male patterns of hair growth" (I wish I were kidding, by the way the clinical term is HIRSUITISM, FUCKFACE)


• said idiopathic hypoglycemia doesn't exist, it's just a result of poor nutritional habits


• told me that since I'm a nursing student I should have a better diet and know to exercise and she shouldn't have to tell me.