another love i would abuse, no circumstances could excuse.
Thursday, February 9th, 2006 04:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
erikaAn application recently received for the position of Worst Girlfriend on Earth:
Objective: To be left alone and never have to be involved in a romantic relationship ever again.
Education:
School of Hard Knocks. Various Locales. 1998 through 2005.
Baccalaureate in Angst, with a minor in Whining.
Voted Most Likely to Succeed: 1999, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005.
110% prostitution-funded schooling.
Masters of Guilt-Tripping.
Partially funded by serving as a warning to others.
Ph.D. in Emotional Instability.
Fully funded by tutoring others in the fine art of Manipulation.
Qualifications Specific to the Position:
Previous Positions:
Vile Irritation, Erstwhile Seducer. Misery Loves Company, Inc. March 2004-November 2005.
Originally based in Riverside, CA. Relocation to Arcata, CA.
Attempted to leave position without notice at least 3 times during employment. Eventually security escorted from building after having ignored months of lay-off notices.
Vice-President of Irascibility in Charge of Abeyance. Boredom and Cortefiel, Ltd. March 2002-February 2004.
Telecommuting position, with occasional administrative visits.
Left on supposedly pleasant terms after promised promotion & relocation was postponed indefinitely. While company attempted to recontract for smaller position, was not interested in demotion.
Honors and Activities:
Honored Member, Heartless Bitches, International.
President & Charter Member: Psi Kappa Omicron.
Oscar, 2004, Best Dramatic Moment That Did Not Involve Quoting Song Lyrics because of a Long-Running Relationship that was Later Revealed to be Completely Beyond Repair. For Esto es como lo que se siente para tener mi rotura del corazón y lastima tan Malo! [sic]
Interests: Cybersex, phone sex, sex in general, BDSM. Breaking points.
ERIKA...!!!!
Objective: To be left alone and never have to be involved in a romantic relationship ever again.
Education:
School of Hard Knocks. Various Locales. 1998 through 2005.
Baccalaureate in Angst, with a minor in Whining.
Voted Most Likely to Succeed: 1999, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005.
110% prostitution-funded schooling.
Masters of Guilt-Tripping.
Partially funded by serving as a warning to others.
Ph.D. in Emotional Instability.
Fully funded by tutoring others in the fine art of Manipulation.
Qualifications Specific to the Position:
- Nervous breakdowns on a monthly basis lasting, upon occasion, up to 10 hours.
- Extremely persistent suicidal ideation.
- Forgetful to the point of pain.
- Expects to follow large handbook of inconsistent procedures.
- Caustic and incorrigible wit.
- Utilitarian Ayn Rand devoteé.
- Fully pretentious; ready-loaded with emo song lyrics and ostentatious gestures.
- Fluent in l33t and geek.
- Comes with livejournal coterie for more dramariffic potential.
Previous Positions:
Vile Irritation, Erstwhile Seducer. Misery Loves Company, Inc. March 2004-November 2005.
Originally based in Riverside, CA. Relocation to Arcata, CA.
- Contracted for restructurement of company's infrastructure and re-envisioning of 5 Year Plan. Neither aim accomplished.
- Negligible influence on company's main assets and liabilities.
- Reaffirmed company goals of isolation and non-interference.
Attempted to leave position without notice at least 3 times during employment. Eventually security escorted from building after having ignored months of lay-off notices.
Vice-President of Irascibility in Charge of Abeyance. Boredom and Cortefiel, Ltd. March 2002-February 2004.
Telecommuting position, with occasional administrative visits.
- Lied to preserve value of company stock.
- Performed tasks that rapidly became meaningless & boring in exchange for insipid accolades.
- Work was seasonal and sporadic.
Left on supposedly pleasant terms after promised promotion & relocation was postponed indefinitely. While company attempted to recontract for smaller position, was not interested in demotion.
Honors and Activities:
Honored Member, Heartless Bitches, International.
President & Charter Member: Psi Kappa Omicron.
Oscar, 2004, Best Dramatic Moment That Did Not Involve Quoting Song Lyrics because of a Long-Running Relationship that was Later Revealed to be Completely Beyond Repair. For Esto es como lo que se siente para tener mi rotura del corazón y lastima tan Malo! [sic]
Interests: Cybersex, phone sex, sex in general, BDSM. Breaking points.
References upon request.
