tell me it's nicer dreaming, visions soft and sure

[erika]

I hate it when people ask me what I'm going to do with my life. What are my plans? What do I want?

I want you to leave me alone and stop asking me that, that's what I fucking want.

Comments

[spr0cket.livejournal.com]

Agreed.

[collisions.livejournal.com]

It was some time at the end of college, when I was about to graduate and was realizing that I didn't actually want to *do* any of the jobs that you had to do with my degree. I mean, there were lots of cool jobs I wanted to do in the industry, but it took 10 years of crappy jobs to get to them. Over the course of a month I went from straight denial to being pissed that I'd been tricked and through to a sort of peace in which I realized that just because I couldn't see the path I was on, it didn't mean I wasn't walking one. Not konwing your destination doesn't mean you don't have one.

That said, I love planning, but it's useful to distinguish between strategic plans (the "what do you want to do with your life" kind) and tactical ones ("how will I pay this month's rent?"). You can't make the first kind of plans without a huge amount of information, and trying to only means you, er, go to college for 5 years and then go do an entirely different thing with your life. At least that's what it meant when I did so.

Sooooo, from a guy who's been there--don't sweat not having a life plan in place. It's probably worth sweating the tactical stuff at least a little--that is, trying to plan what you want to do and where you want to be next month instead of next decade. It makes the day to day stuff easier, and lets you set attainable goals. Heck, I've been planning my Mondays off that way, and even that is rewarding.

Aaaanyway. I've been there, and it's stressful. Hope your dad backs off.

[collisions.livejournal.com]

Aack. Curse you, extraneous commas!

[erika]

Well, what really gets me going is that my father, particularly, acts like he thinks I'm making up my depression just so I can lay around. Godddddddddddd. And like I've told him a thousand times, I have long-term plans, it's just that I can't implement them without getting help for my depression, or last year will just keep happening over and over again--every time I get somewhere, I'll break and things will get fucked up.

My dad, in contrast, thinks I should be able to just GO and that I'm just lazy, which makes me feel worse. Luckily he does seem to grasp that talking to me about it only makes me feel worse, but I know it's what he's thinking because whenever he seems to feel it's appropriate he brings it up again.

Thanks for the support and the advice, especially about strategic versus tactical. I'm glad to hear that spinning my wheels for a little while doesn't mean I'm doomed to failure.