will i wake up, is it a dream i made up
Friday, March 27th, 2009 06:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
erikain the last two days:
antipsychotics: because apparently I have severe depression with psychosis. All I need now is a manic episode and I could probably collect every other diagnosis in the DSM-IV.
hospital: are you fucking kidding me? They lock you fucking in. (To which my therapist says: Not if you can say you're not planning to kill yourself! Great. So I should voluntarily go somewhere where I have even less freedom than I have now... for them to ... make sure I do exactly what I'm doing now, i.e. eat meds, food, and wait for something to change—like the moon's phase or something—in hopes that my depression will recede.)
dog: I had to ask someone else to take care of her for the night because her pain was making me feel like the worst dog-owner in the world for not immediately taking her to the vet because she was acting like she was in shock. because she's a drama queen. possibly she may have learned this from me.
file sharing: see above re: police state. also I feel like a dumbass because I know I should've done something to get around it.
cousin: go sit around and watch TV/play computer games all day somewhere else. the one position in this family for a lazy ass has already been taken by me.
ssa app: I should've expected this but I really wasn't. After all the soul searching I had to do and the fact that it spurred a depressive episode just to fill out the fucking paperwork——they tell me I'm not crazy enough? Great.
- my psychiatrist put me on antipsychotics
- my therapist suggested I shouldn't be so worried about going to the hospital, like, just to take a vacation from my craziness
- Teyla scratched her stomach and acted like she was deathly ill, freaking me the fuck out
- they shut off my internet access because of file-sharing and I had to sign a form saying 'I am so so sorry I forgot I live in a police state, I will never do it again'
- my cousin and I had a fight, again, because he has no respect for anyone else
- to top it all off, today, I got a letter from the SSA stating they turned down my initial application for disability.
antipsychotics: because apparently I have severe depression with psychosis. All I need now is a manic episode and I could probably collect every other diagnosis in the DSM-IV.
hospital: are you fucking kidding me? They lock you fucking in. (To which my therapist says: Not if you can say you're not planning to kill yourself! Great. So I should voluntarily go somewhere where I have even less freedom than I have now... for them to ... make sure I do exactly what I'm doing now, i.e. eat meds, food, and wait for something to change—like the moon's phase or something—in hopes that my depression will recede.)
dog: I had to ask someone else to take care of her for the night because her pain was making me feel like the worst dog-owner in the world for not immediately taking her to the vet because she was acting like she was in shock. because she's a drama queen. possibly she may have learned this from me.
file sharing: see above re: police state. also I feel like a dumbass because I know I should've done something to get around it.
cousin: go sit around and watch TV/play computer games all day somewhere else. the one position in this family for a lazy ass has already been taken by me.
ssa app: I should've expected this but I really wasn't. After all the soul searching I had to do and the fact that it spurred a depressive episode just to fill out the fucking paperwork——they tell me I'm not crazy enough? Great.
no subject
on Tuesday, March 31st, 2009 08:06 am (UTC)Also I've had another two psychiatrist appointments since I applied (because of a severe depressive episode), so hopefully updating the documentation will help.
My therapist & psychiatrist both said that only around 20-30% of the people they help apply get it on the first try, but for some reason I was being hopeful. Maybe I'll get it on the next appeal!