you'd think that i could muster up a little soft shoe gentle sway
Thursday, September 10th, 2009 04:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
erikaReading my old entries:
I was really depressed 90% of the time. Jesus. Thanks for bearing with me.
Steve was a gigantic asshole and I have no idea how I missed that for so long.
I miss Chance and I wish he and I were still friends, but I'm not really sure what happened to stop us being friends, so——
Saw my SCL worker today. We talked about the progress I'm making. It doesn't feel like much progress but I know it is.
I'm really frustrated with myself for not finishing my application for a rape advocacy volunteer position. I would have had to call an old colleague and I really hesitate to do that, I think is the issue. I hate it when I run into, for example, my old English teacher Ms. C (now Mrs S), in the grocery store and I have to explain the state of my life.
So what is the state of my life?
From the outside, casual cocktail chitchat-like, it looks pretty grim. I've been diagnosed with severe chronic depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have new medications that are helping so much, I can't even tell you. But that's not chitchat, is it?
I don't have a job, so there goes 90% of the conversational openings. I don't volunteer anywhere (yet), but I did recently turn in an application to the library and I still want to do the rape victim advocacy volunteer thing even though I missed the fall training.
I do have a great boyfriend. I'm a little worried about him because he's in school right now and he's sick and being sick at the beginning of the semester is a great way to get behind. Not to mention he's working 20-30 hours a week at Subway, which worries me too, because that's less time for schoolwork.
All in all I'm actually happy. But how do you explain that in a few words that even though my life doesn't look anything like what it's "supposed to"—that American dream of college/job/own home/marriage/family (roughly in that order)—that it's okay? That I've stopped minding quite so much?
I was really depressed 90% of the time. Jesus. Thanks for bearing with me.
Steve was a gigantic asshole and I have no idea how I missed that for so long.
I miss Chance and I wish he and I were still friends, but I'm not really sure what happened to stop us being friends, so——
Saw my SCL worker today. We talked about the progress I'm making. It doesn't feel like much progress but I know it is.
I'm really frustrated with myself for not finishing my application for a rape advocacy volunteer position. I would have had to call an old colleague and I really hesitate to do that, I think is the issue. I hate it when I run into, for example, my old English teacher Ms. C (now Mrs S), in the grocery store and I have to explain the state of my life.
So what is the state of my life?
From the outside, casual cocktail chitchat-like, it looks pretty grim. I've been diagnosed with severe chronic depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have new medications that are helping so much, I can't even tell you. But that's not chitchat, is it?
I don't have a job, so there goes 90% of the conversational openings. I don't volunteer anywhere (yet), but I did recently turn in an application to the library and I still want to do the rape victim advocacy volunteer thing even though I missed the fall training.
I do have a great boyfriend. I'm a little worried about him because he's in school right now and he's sick and being sick at the beginning of the semester is a great way to get behind. Not to mention he's working 20-30 hours a week at Subway, which worries me too, because that's less time for schoolwork.
All in all I'm actually happy. But how do you explain that in a few words that even though my life doesn't look anything like what it's "supposed to"—that American dream of college/job/own home/marriage/family (roughly in that order)—that it's okay? That I've stopped minding quite so much?
