Je veux les memes droits que toi / et du respect pour chaque jour

[erika]

Today I am feeling good about my decision to leave Austin.

It's been a long time since I was confident I did the right thing there—maybe never. But today I am feeling good about it. Helping that along is reading this metafilter thread about someone leaving an emotionally/physically abusive person.

I don't know that I could call Austin emotionally abusive. It's hard to say whether he was or not, whether part of it was just me being oversensitive or whether he really crossed the line—although certainly his last message to me did cross a line. But he was just plain mean to me after we broke up, whether it was because he was hurting or not, it doesn't matter anymore. I did the right thing leaving him, for me. And maybe for him, I will never know. I'm okay with that. At least right now.

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I want to be with someone who reciprocates my love in an emotionally healthy way. That would be a nice change.

Comments

[reservoir.livejournal.com]

This is a good post and you should feel good.

This part, however: So even though I can look at what I wrote and say to myself, "These things are never okay, you made the right choice." I feel horrible. Someone I shared two years of my life with is no longer in my life and that was my decision (it wasn't mutual) and I feel awful.

I feel especially bad because the end was full of him promising to change, sobbing and crying about how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and he feels like I never gave him a chance to turn things around. I felt like I had, and like I didn't want to be the chump who gave away unlimited chances.

I miss him terribly -- the sweet, funny, smart, kind version of him that I fell in love with -- and the fact that he's suffering so much right now and that I can't be there for him makes me feel even worse.

...


I am just so sad, my heart feels like it is in a million pieces. Not only am I upset about this relationship ending, but he wasn't exactly nice about it. He was feeling very hurt and so he wanted to make sure I hurt too. He did a great job of it.

I know that the answer probably is, "These things just take time" but even knowing that I still feel so overwhelmed. I guess what I'm asking is ... can you reassure me? I am heartbroken and sad, I know I made the right choice, I just wish it didn't feel so awful. How do I stop feeling like this?


God, that hits home (sorry, I quoted a lot there, but my god, seriously - hits. home.)

[erika]

No, it seriously hit home for me too. I encourage you to read the responses—they're all uniformly supportive and it was really nice to read them and feel like there was a real consensus that that kind of behavior was never Okay.

[reservoir.livejournal.com]

I'm reading them now, they're very helpful and reassuring (especially the one person saying her boyfriend dated again immediately and it took her two years to do so).

Thanks so much for linking this.