I will swallow crookedness, not let it drag me down.

[erika]

I gave a speech in my Fundamentals of Communication class. It was only supposed to be 3-5 minutes, and I hope I hit the mark there, because the rest of the speech probably sucked. It was about how being in Venezuela when I was 12 changed me for the better—that the culture shock made me a better person, less inclined to judge others and more open to criticism myself. Having to communicate in a different language also made me think before I spoke, which was a really good thing, since amazingly enough, at 12 I was not a very deliberative speaker.

And finally, being in Venezuela improved my Spanish to the point that I was able to understand my grandmother when she told me that the hot water was only plumbed in the other bathroom—which also explained the month of cold-ass showers I endured. (They just thought I was a crazy vegetarian who took cold showers for health reasons, I guess.)

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And now for something completely different:

I lack the words to describe how I feel. I feel too much, too inappropriately to explain. I would give everything I have for one thing, and I know that the likelihood of that one thing is so slim that I should really just give up on it, let it go. Since it's not the faint hope of that which keeps me going, I don't really need it. But just to feel that way for one day. . . the thought makes my eyes bright and the corners of my mouth turn up, oh. Oh! Just to feel it for a day.

I need it—I want it so bad—but I don't need it, as much as it feels like air to me, I'll keep going without it, I'll manage, I'll live. I'll continue to build my little world here and never ask for what I want so badly; I already know the answer.

I don't think it's so much to ask.

I just want to be sane.

Comments

[la-magdalena.livejournal.com]

Totally had the cold shower problem in my grandparents' house! Though the hot water was in the other section of the house/duplex so we boiled water & then put it in the tub.