and i want to be with the sun and the moon

[erika]

So Sunday night had all the earmarks of a spiral down into depression.

But then I didn't.

How I fix it:

• fucking RECOGNIZED that I was having delusional thinking (thanks chiller!)


• went out with a friend instead of staying home and feeling sorry for myself.


• calmly discussed later (with Rob and other friends) why I was feeling depressed


• brainstormed future ways to head things off at the pass

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In addition, I bought myself an HTC Evo 4G and a netbook and various other sundries. Oh, and all my textbooks, because my student loans FINALLY FUCKING CAME IN.

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In other news, having a open wound repacked twice a day hurts like a motherfucker. You heard it here first.

And I saw the doctor at the ER again yesterday (they told me to come in again to make sure it was healing) and he said it looked really well, and that I could expect to be fully healed in 7-10 days!

Comments

[erika]

Trust me, it's really fucking hard.

Basically with the help of a few people (my therapist, my social worker, my friends) I've learned to recognize when my thinking starts getting distorted. When I start believing that people hate me for no reason, etc, etc. Your distorted thoughts may take a different pattern, but part of the most important thing to prevent shitty mood swings is recognizing them AT THE START.

Then: do something different. Don't allow yourself to ruminate. Wash the dishes, clean the house, go out with a friend, play a computer game, SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Your depression wants you to give it time and attention. Don't do it.

Also, I don't know you that well, so are you on meds/in therapy? because without both of those, there's NO WAY I would be able to even come close to doing that.

(side note: chiller REALLY helped me come up with most of this and should be given the credit)

[hyaena]

Your depression wants you to give it time and attention. Don't do it.

That's actually an apt way of looking at it.

I've tried seeing therapists a few different times throughout my life, but I didn't like the whole process. I tried Zoloft once, but it made me seize a lot, so I had to stop. I think the only way I can effectively deal with depression is to write creepy stories.

[erika]

There are lots of different medications and lots of different therapists. I would honestly encourage you to keep trying, if you think you need more help (than you can on your own) to change.

The first time I went to see a therapist (I live in Iowa and I'm basically without religion) she asked me if I'd given my problems to jesus. I was like ... ... ... no.

So it took me another 4 years to work up the courage to go see another therapist. But I did and she was fabulous and helped me SO much.

Zoloft is one of many meds--some meds even work as anticonvulsants (mood stabilizers are often used as depression treatment, especially once you get into treatment resistant depression, and they're typically anticonvulsants) but I don't honestly know much about how the other ones would interact with your seizure meds, so if I were you and were exploring getting back on meds, I'd talk to a neurologist in ADDITION to a psychiatrist. But I'm saying there are a lot more medication options out there than Zoloft.

I'm kinda pro-meds, they've really changed my life, but I recognize that they don't work for everyone, and sometimes they don't work for me either.

Distraction is definitely a good way, and channeling your depressed spells into creativity is hard, so I'm impressed!