that's right, looking like you don't give a 'huh' tonight

[erika]

People, this is a public service announcement: do not blindly agree to go shopping with panda unless you are hardc0re. More hardcore than me, that's for sure.

She was like "oh, we're only going to go to a few stores, it'll be okay." After I agreed, I found out that we were going to shop for shoes, bras (at Victoria's Secret, where they look at me like I'm insulting them by being too fat [and awesome!] to shop there), and then we were going to hang around Target testing out lotions for possible smells that remained non-offensive for hours...

until panda's blood sugar crashed and I had to enter Mom Mode to get her safely out of the store when she probably would've remained there, wandering into things until she fainted or started eating out of random bags in the grocery section.

All I can say here is three things:

a) thank god I was the one driving, as my blood sugar remained fine.
b) panda: START CARRYING EMERGENCY TRAIL MIX OR SOME SHIT SIMILAR TO THIS, WOMAN. Also, if I think you're being suspiciously cranky, this may not be due to the activity in question or even the fact that me, your BFF, retains the ability to severely annoy——it could be an early warning sign that you're cruising for a crash.
c) Bra sizing for non-plus size women appears to be SHENANIGANS. I was completely unaware of this, because I had my first decent bra fitting at Lane Bryant (link goes to video explaining how to measure yourself for a decent bra size estimate), which oftentimes carries dowdy clothes but they know their boobs, people!

When panda tried to explain to me this whole "band size + four inches" bullshit, I did not believe her, because hello, the band size is your rib cage measurement. Why are you adding four inches?! What does this accomplish, besides confusion and WOE and HOOLIGANISM as bras with this weird-ass band size wild-guesstimation would be utterly misused, uncomfortable and completely impossible to wear normally!?

I can only conclude that this is a vast conspiracy to gaslight most women into believing that bras are evil instruments of torture that never fit properly. I'm not even sure I'm being a conspiracy theorist here, because what other fucking purpose does it serve to try to convince generations of women that a band which goes around your rib cage does not actually use the measurement OF THE CIRCUMFERENCE OF YOUR RIB CAGE?

Comments

[panda]

In my defense:
a. 3 stores is only a few. Oh, and Best Buy for like 2 minutes, so technically 4. Still a few!
b. my blood sugar crashes several times a day every day because it is freaking impossible for me to manage to eat every 2 hours, so I ... kind of forget it's a thing, because it happens all the time. Except I'm normally only inconveniencing myself, not someone else.
c. ... you're right about the emergency trail mix. sorry?

Also your mom is wise and I shall attempt to follow her learnings.

[erika]

a) you lose your ability to claim "we only went to a few stores" when you took me shoe shopping AND THEN bra shopping

all i can say is you're lucky i was still feeling sorry for you yesterday and wanting to be supportive, or i would've had to ... i don't know. something. something something.

b) well, it was a bit nerve-wracking for me, because YOU DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT WAS HAPPENING until you were already like, "der der der" and i was like "um, fuck!"

especially since to me, it felt like we'd just eaten lunch!

c) ♥♥♥

[panda]

sorry.

I've been trying to eat every 2 hours today. it is haaaard as fuck omg. what is this constant food, I don't want to eat anything else ever again :(

[erika]

haha yeah my mom said that would happen. that's basically how she ended up losing weight, because snacking on ANYTHING suddenly seemed like the world's worst idea

you can try decreasing the amount of food, or like, making enough for two meals (on meals 1, 3, and 5 for ex) that can be eaten cold for the second one

she gave me some amount, but basically the info you want is online and called the "grazing diet"

so if you're aiming for 1800 kcal a day, then you want to eat 300 cals a meal, which is like, one hamburger w/ bun, basically, which you can't eat, but you know what i mean

[panda]

like you said about when I crashed at the mall, it feels like "BUT I /JUST ATE/ THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO EAT AGAIN???" only worse, because that was like 3.5 hrs after we had lunch, not two, and to be able to eat every 2 hours, I often need to start /preparing/ the next round of food only 1.5 hrs after I previously ate which blooooows.

the do a whole meal (or several meals) & split them in half is the way to go, I think. I did that with one of the amy's yesterday, (adding refried beans because half of one of those tamale things is actually not that much food) but (depending on when I get up) I need to eat like 8 mini meals per day and ideally I don't want to eat 4 amy's per day, that would bankrupt me after like ... 2 days.

tell her that her email was v helpful, and thank her for me. googling "grazing diet" is also helpful.

I'm gonna make a post about this in my journal, because probably this whole thing requires ~planning and shit, which, uuuugh.

but Ilu, and I will endeavor not to turn into a surprise!zombie in the middle of Target again ;)