save your sanity for later.

People, this is a public service announcement: do not blindly agree to go shopping with panda unless you are hardc0re. More hardcore than me, that's for sure.

She was like "oh, we're only going to go to a few stores, it'll be okay." After I agreed, I found out that we were going to shop for shoes, bras (at Victoria's Secret, where they look at me like I'm insulting them by being too fat [and awesome!] to shop there), and then we were going to hang around Target testing out lotions for possible smells that remained non-offensive for hours...

until panda's blood sugar crashed and I had to enter Mom Mode to get her safely out of the store when she probably would've remained there, wandering into things until she fainted or started eating out of random bags in the grocery section.

All I can say here is three things:

a) thank god I was the one driving, as my blood sugar remained fine.
b) panda: START CARRYING EMERGENCY TRAIL MIX OR SOME SHIT SIMILAR TO THIS, WOMAN. Also, if I think you're being suspiciously cranky, this may not be due to the activity in question or even the fact that me, your BFF, retains the ability to severely annoy——it could be an early warning sign that you're cruising for a crash.
c) Bra sizing for non-plus size women appears to be SHENANIGANS. I was completely unaware of this, because I had my first decent bra fitting at Lane Bryant (link goes to video explaining how to measure yourself for a decent bra size estimate), which oftentimes carries dowdy clothes but they know their boobs, people!

When panda tried to explain to me this whole "band size + four inches" bullshit, I did not believe her, because hello, the band size is your rib cage measurement. Why are you adding four inches?! What does this accomplish, besides confusion and WOE and HOOLIGANISM as bras with this weird-ass band size wild-guesstimation would be utterly misused, uncomfortable and completely impossible to wear normally!?

I can only conclude that this is a vast conspiracy to gaslight most women into believing that bras are evil instruments of torture that never fit properly. I'm not even sure I'm being a conspiracy theorist here, because what other fucking purpose does it serve to try to convince generations of women that a band which goes around your rib cage does not actually use the measurement OF THE CIRCUMFERENCE OF YOUR RIB CAGE?

Wide awake at 6AM. Unfortunately no one else is. Except my dad, amusingly enough—— eh.

---

So my big frightening thing is that I may actually get in to see a PCP for the first time in years (my MI has been treated by a great team who are funded through the state, but physical health isn't funded through that program) and I have all these things I want them to do (thryoid panel, blood sugar panel, adrenal function tests), and I'm basically just worried that I'm going to be painted as looking for some physical cause for my MI (which my psychiatrist and second-opinion psychiatrist think is more than likely) when really I'm just crazy.

And you know, if I'm crazy and it has nothing to do with my thyroid or my adrenals, fine. But I have practically every sign of hypothyroidism that there is, and I'm really tired of being told that I don't actually have hypothyroidism based on some lab tests for which I meet the standards or not. I have EVERY SYMPTOM but if my numbers are just a little too low to meet the clinical standard, welp, nope, no drug which could actually help you for you.

Basically I just want a doctor who will actually listen to me, and I know that seems to be impossible.

---

Going to see Alena today. We plan to go watch Iron Man and then go out for lunch.