but if i told you lies or promised you the moon, the truth would come trickling from my eyes

[erika]

I dread my therapist appointment in approximately 7 hours.

How are you?, he will ask.

[just pretend this entire section is in strike through]
The horrific experience I had earlier this week with the doctor who inserted my IUD is triggering massive memories and self-hatred related to my sexual assault which was over 7 years ago

I'm halfway convinced Josh isn't actually physically attracted to me

Voldemort is coming to visit and I'm basically being guilt quicksanded* into spending time with him when I would rather stab myself repeatedly

(* The more you struggle, the more it grabs ahold of you!)

I feel like an insane mess and I keep spontaneously crying

I'm so stressed out I've gotten two migraines this week DESPITE THE MEDS

My insecurities are tearing me apart and I feel like I'm dissolving into a black hole of bitch.

... I'm fine.

Comments

[alwayswondered]

Oh God, I sympathise so much. That all sounds like such a lot to deal with at one time (and you do NOT need Voldemort around right now, FFS). I'm sorry you're in that place right now and I hope the therapist's appointment is, if not helpful, at least not 100% actively awful.

[panda]

iluuuuuuuuuuu

[moonvoice]

7 years ago sounds like a long time when it's in italics, but it's really not when it comes to traumatising material. Maybe I am just trying to make myself feel better, because the worst trauma I experienced was between 15-25 years ago, and it still feels like it happened only yesterday, particularly on bad days.

I hope you can talk to your therapist about some of these things. Everything you're experience makes a ton of sense, even if I can't imagine how horrible and awful it feels. I hope the migraines ease up too. :( It's never nice when the body gets on the 'oh fuck' bandwagon. I am so, so sorry, and still just so unspeakably mad at those medical 'professionals.'

*offers hugs*