It's the awful truth.

[erika]

Josh is in jail.

Third degree sexual assault.

Against me.

---

Quite honestly, I'm numb. I halfway feel like this is all happening to someone else who apparently deserves to be protected.

Despite feeling like I'm in a spaceship orbiting earth instead of, you know, in reality——I'm seriously bowled over by the amount of support people have shown. Even my new therapist is seeing me twice a week.

Speaking of support, if you can contribute to my gofundme, of course I would greatly appreciate it, but I'm also accepting good wishes, comments, and hyperbolic threats of violence!

My sister has mentioned repeatedly that she knows someone with a pig farm, so there's that bar to surpass, guys.

(Unexpected cons of being sexually assaulted: I think the most annoying thing is right now I have nearly zero sense of humor. I have no idea what's funny and what's just mean.)

Comments

[worlds_of_smoke]

Good. -hugs- That's right where he belongs.

sending you love and good energy. ♥

[kaberett]

^ this.

[kowe]

I third this.

[recessional]

I could gouge out his eyeballs, slit open his abdomen and stake him out over an ants nest for you.

I am, however, glad he is in jail.

[wordweaverlynn]

I've donated what I could and boosted the signal.

[erika]

You're the best. Thank you.

[erika]

Haha, I love your writing and your threat. (btw I read YBEB and I'm dying for more, you're so fantastic, it was lovely to have something enthralling to read in the bath trying to wash myself clean of something)

[recessional]

(Aw, thank you. <3 I'm glad it helped. There should be more . . .shortish.)

[shanaqui]

When I get my pay for my current bit of work or from my transcription job, I'm going to send you some, I just don't quite know when that'll be. I've tweeted the link, too.

[erika]

You're fantastic, and don't worry about the delay. I'm going to be cleaning up this mess for awhile. ./facepalm Seriously though, thank you.

[moonvoice]

You don't owe anyone a sense of humour and you're not obligated to be nice. Not ever, and certainly not now. This is definitely one situation where compassion can go off and wait in the far off distance for when you're ready for it, because self-compassion has to come first even though it likely doesn't feel real - I think it's there in your actions. I'm hoping one day you can look back at how you handled this and *feel* the amazingness of it, and the self-compassion in it.

But you also don't have to feel that now, or any time soon. Whatever gets you through is the thing that gets you through, and I have come to embrace dissociation in a crisis, especially if I'm still being functional and behaving in a self-caring way (even if I don't feel self-caring or don't even want to be, like 'higher self, you deal with this shit, I'll be over here staring at the wall for an hour').

And I haven't been in a situation like yours, and can't imagine just how much parts of you are just knuckling down and trying to get through this in a way that you survive.

Also, do you have a direct Paypal address? I've had issues with gofundme before (just in terms of processing payments, I don't think it's a thing most people have experienced - I also have issues with Patreon, lol *shakes fist*), I'd like to help and if there was a way to send it direct I'd be happy to do that. If you're not comfortable posting that publically, you can always email me at ophelias.diary@gmail.com - and if that's too hard right now you can always ping me in a week or whenever.

I lived with a lot of sexual assault in my childhood (and later) and what I know is this (at least for myself) - when you're out of it, or even when you're not, you can end up with this really bleak sense of humour when it's there, the kind that other people kind of go O.O at sometimes. And then other times it's not there at all and you wonder if it even existed. Might not be anything like what you're going through, but it seems to be...a weird byproduct. It thankfully doesn't seem to be a permanent one, though it may always return whenever you're in the harder parts of recovering/dealing.

I'm also relieved he got arrested. My trust for authority systems is about zero - so seeing them do what they're supposed to be doing...I just hope that continues.

[recessional]

Oh, hey yes same for PayPal addy?

[marina]

Thirding the paypal question.

[alwayswondered]

I'm so sorry Josh did this to you, but glad he's in jail. I hope he feels utterly helpless and alone in the world right now.

[rhivolution]

So many good wishes. I signal boosted your GFM, and will chip in when I get paid soon.

[tree]

i think you're very brave.

[delight]

I'm sitting here going, gosh, I hope the creepy mindfucking sister knows all the details and I hope she is having fun not being able to do anything out in Colorado, where she could've had a wedding but instead decided she needed to be in a relationship with her brother and called it off ...

It's not that I don't blame him first and foremost because obviously I do, but the difference in how you wrote about him before and after her being a thing ... she should be suffering too and I get weird heebie-jeebies whenever she comes up and had done even in your first post about her. And so I gleefully rub my hands together a bit at her inability to do anything the same way that I enjoy reflecting on how he is stuck in a jail cell forcing to think about what he did and how you weren't afraid to stand up and say something. I mean, really, what did the dickbag expect from you?

Here's hoping he stays there a long time.

And cheers to your sister for the suggestion.

[enemyofperfect]

Nth-ing the good wishes, and I hope you get down from your metaphorical spaceship on a schedule that works for you.

[marina]

I'm so sorry this happened. I hope he gets what's coming to him.

I sympathize greatly with the weird sense of humor post sexual assault. For years, I'd just start laughing hysterically when I told people about mine. People found it very unsettling, lol, but I couldn't help it. Still can't, mostly, though it's down to a smile. It just seems... hilarious, for some reason?

Anyway - I second "whatever gets you through is what gets you through".