don't underestimate the things that i will do

[erika]

He's already out of jail. Set a bond of 10,000 dollars but evidently you only have to pay 1/10th of it. At least I'm hitting his pocketbook.

Spoke to a survivor advocate yesterday. They mentioned the possibility of his lawyer plea-bargaining the charge down to a non-sexual assault, or him not having to register on the sex offender list, and I nearly flipped a fucking table. Evidently my brain has decided plea bargains are Not OK.

Granted it's not like I didn't know the potential existed, but the idea that he could get off after being arrested and charged with the fucking crime and ADMITTING HE DID IT—— makes my blood fucking boil. I'm going to do my best to see that this asshole gets some jail time.

How can you use someone like that and ... how? I didn't understand it when it was my brother and I don't understand it from someone who was supposed to be my partner.

The worst part today is looking back and seeing all the times my friends, my family, everyone tried to warn me, and I didn't listen. Or remembering good things that I thought made up for the fact that every goddamn day he chipped away at me.

Feeling generous? You can still contribute to my gofundme, paypal me @ midnightparadox (gmail), or comment here to let me know your thoughts & good wishes. I appreciate every erg of support that's been given to me, and I also greatly appreciate that Patrickno one has said "I told you so" because y'all totally knew.

Comments

[kaberett]

Anyone who says I told you so about this is a shitty excuse for a friend, and is looking to get you to trust their judgment more than you trust your own. It's a power play.

We get to be not ready to believe this shit. It doesn't mean we deserve it.

[untonuggan]

Plus, who among us has not made mistakes? If shitstorms ensue, friends help pick up the pieces, amirite? Plus when you're living with someone skilled at the art of making you not trust your instincts, it's really fucking hard to break out of that spell.

Just look at all the SF/F books about Evil Mind-Control Wizards and The One Ring. I mean, in all those hero quest stories I feel like there is very limited, "How could you let the Evil Wizard use his mind control powers on you? Why didn't you break out of his spell when I told you the spell was there? Why did you listen to the whisperings of The One Ring? Huh huh?" Nooooo, in thoooooose books there might be a slight interlude of the jackass-who-knows-all saying* that but basically it's like, "Thank the gods you have escaped from the Evil Wizard/One Ring's mind control! Quick, let us help you recuperate and work on your plan to bring them down!" Which is how it *should* be (minus any sanctimonious judgy crap). I'm telling you, people never realize how seductive and powerful an Evil Wizard is until they're dealing with one head-on themselves.

see also: anything Captain Awkward says about Darth Vader boyfriends

*or else I've edited it out for my own sanity's sake, because it shouldn't be there

[worlds_of_smoke]

+1 to this. Anyone who says "I told you so" is an utter asshole. You don't get to wag your finger at people as an attempt to "support" them. That's not support, ffs. That's manipulation and a selfish need to be right.

[batrachian]

what. the. fuck.

*flips tables*

[erika]

Frankly I'm just waiting on my parents to say something like that; that's why I haven't told my dad. Told my mom a few days after it happened.

[nonethefewer]

:the slowest blink:

Well, fuck a bunch of this dude.

Also, agreed, whoever says "I told you so" is a bad person and they should feel bad.

[shanaqui]

Fuckin' what.

My partner's sending you some money. This is not the money from me; that will also be forthcoming whenever I get bloody paid. But so you know, ehlyah at gmail or Lisa R or however it comes up is my partner.

[kowe]

As always, forests_of_fire speaks wisdom. Add another +1.

[enemyofperfect]

Oh, fucking hell.

And I agree with everybody else that "I told you so" would be a wildly unacceptable thing for anyone to say. It's funny -- sometimes my anger goes offline when something's so far beyond the pale you can't even see reasonable behavior from there, but when it comes to the littler salt-in-the-wound betrayals, suddenly I'm furious again.