the world it is falling, falling by degrees

[erika]

In Spanish, and particularly in Venezuelan Spanish, there's an expression I love. It's "echar para adelante" (eh-char [like fire charred], pah-ruh ah-deh-lan-teh, I need to learn IPA notation) or echa' pa' lante' for short. It means, roughly, "to be knocked forward", to bounce—not back—but ahead, the opposite of being knocked down. A set-forward.

With echa' pa' lante' in mind, I'm delighted to announce I'm moving to the Bay Area!

Congratulations, condolences on the rent, and advice all accepted with a mere press of your comment button. Please give me all your responses about how much you totally believe that this random internet stranger can accomplish this near-impossibility, too.

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From having this topic brought to my attention in various places, I'm noticing I use a lot of ableist language in day to day speech. Often, I grit my teeth and reclaim language related to mental illness with deliberate nonchalance, a habit from work, but I've slipped into and/or never gotten out of the common problem of using terms in ableist ways too.

Realizing this, I feel super disappointed in myself. Treating people with respect is one of the things I strive the hardest to do. Tolerance is one of my most important virtues. It sucks that I haven't been reflecting that in my language.

I know that I can change. And I will, because I *also* know I'd rather give people respect than stay comfortable. I fucking hate that I've said things that way in the past, and I'm going to try harder not to say them that way in the future.

#lifegoals, all about the importance of continued progress. SIGH turns out being an adult is all about routine fucking maintenance tasks y'all! WHO KNEW

but hey get a good schedule/routine going and you can almost set yr self-care on autopilot
(unlocking that was like realizing the secret mystery level up easy mode option does exist, as long as you schedule it properly and then actually do it)

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Links, from most recent to least:

Finding Life after Abuse - Beyonce's Lemonade — I wonder if a Black woman called a narcissist is merely just a Black woman who dares to step up and say she matters.

Self Care Ideas for a Bad Day

How to Politely Have an Amazing Threesome

27 Super Easy Ways to Eat more Fruits & Veg
27 Bad Bitch Anthems That'll Bring Out Your Inner Goddess

19 Naturally Curly Hairstyles for when You're ALready Running Late

Benefits of ADHD

When Forgiveness Isn't a Virtue

Executive Function Primer Part 4 I link to part 4 because the other three parts are linked from there.

Comments

[maramcreates]

Congratulations, condolences on the rent, and advice all accepted with a mere press of your comment button. Please give me all your responses about how much you totally believe that this random internet stranger can accomplish this near-impossibility, too.

- Regarding congratulations: Congratulations on your decision to move to the Bay Area! This is very exciting :D!

- Regarding condolences on the rent: Yes, I do offer condolences on the rent, but honestly, the rent's probably going to be worth it.

- Regarding advice: There's the believe in yourself stuff, but you may not care for that. There's the one step at a time stuff, but that almost never works for me. So, how about life is a journey and don't flash wads of cash in public? My mom's bff always recommends that folks eat a raw onion once they arrive at a new place to ward off illness, but honestly, eating a raw vegetable in a new place is more likely to get you sick than not.

- Regarding totally [believing] that this random internet stranger can accomplish this near-impossibility: I do, actually and truly, believe that you can accomplish this! Near-impossibility? Not a chance! Actual possibility? Totally!

[erika]

Awww, thank you! :D :D :D /throws hands up and basks in praise for a bit

[to_do_list]

I love this Spanish expression.

Having no advice on anywhere in the U.S. (except perhaps rural Wisconsin), this random internet stranger can only offer congratulations on your determination.

Thinky looking links - thank you for sharing. There is a social psychology lab at my University that does some interesting research into unforgiveness, and they are on the same page: People make different choices, some want to forgive, some choose not too, both can have benefits and drawbacks, but the whole pressure to forgive for your own well-being is definitely bullshit.

[erika]

When I read the recent atlantic article about 49% of MIDDLE CLASS americans being financially insecure I was like, WELP I CAN DO IT HERE OR I CAN DO IT IN CALIFORNIA!~

I grew up around fundamentalist Christianity, even if my family was not particularly fundamentalist or indeed religious. I definitely see a LOT of that pressure to forgive my parents; I live in the Bible belt after all. Some of the shit other people have done to me, I have forgiven, some of it I haven't.

I try not to focus so much on what they did, but on how I can manage and live the way that I am now. In that way, I see my ability to extend forgiveness as an extension of my healing, how *much* their actions harmed me and how far I have to go in my life's journey to consider that I have recovered. To expect that I forgive someone when I haven't progressed that fair is to deny the hurt it did me, as if repealing it verbally will expiate the suffering.

In conclusion: My emotional investment is nobody's command performance.

[to_do_list]

I haven't thought of the role of Christianity in this as the pressure to forgive appears to have extended into general ethos. Makes sense it would be even more intense with your upbringing.

I love your approach, as it consciously re-centres the process on you: Your needs and your agency. This is exactly where it should be centred as the transgressions were against you in the first place.

[worlds_of_smoke]

eeee. congratulations! :)

[enemyofperfect]

That's an awesome phrase, and an awesome concept to embrace.

Also, how are so many of these links so great? So far I've only read about polite threesomes (<3) and the non-necessity of forgiveness (<3 <3 <3), but I'm being tantalized by the others.