My mind is too strong to carry on

For some reason I don't have the words to say much of anything these days.

It's not much of a comfort to think I've been worse.

I wish I weren't like this.

I lie to teachers & to my friends. What's there left to talk about, when I already know how it ends?

What chokes my throat, and stops my breath? I hate this mess and I don't understand why I can't just do things. What stops me? What?

I was reading a book yesterday and I went to read it before bed and I couldn't find it; looked all over the house and everywhere, still couldn't find the damn thing. Not at all. And I haven't found it today either. It's like it just disappeared.