do you need anybody? I just need someone to love. Could it be anybody? I want somebody to love...

[erika]

You get added to my friends' lists if all of the following seem to be true:

1) I like what I see and want to get to know you better.
2) You reflect on your life experiences in depth.
3) You can express yourself effectively, and write material that is original. Expressing yourself effectively means what you write about is interesting even if I don't know you personally, and you write in a style I can comprehend—which usually necessitates proper punctuation and a general grasp of English spelling.
4) You have a good sense of humor and a fairly realistic view of the world—i.e. you think I'm amusing and you don't believe you're an elf. Unless you are an elf, in which case, I'm cool with it.

Reasons I delete people from my friends' list include:
1) You're not as interesting as I thought.
2) Problematic behavior/language happens often with no attempts to change.
3) You prefer deliberate ignorance, and I didn't notice.
4) You make journal entries and / or comments that indicate prejudice, ableism, etc.
5) You completely ignore me—i.e. neither adding me to their friends' list (if they are a friends' only journal) nor replying to my comments, making me feel like I've stepped into a private party where I am completely unwelcome.
6) You are an emotional vampire and I have narrowly escaped your snare.

There is no one on my friends' list who I dislike, am annoyed by, or am disinterested in. The second I realize I'm annoyed by / offended by / disinterested in someone, I drop them. So feel privileged.

(inspired by xoxosimon and his post about this, and also alchemi's whining at me.)

[edited 10/3/10 for ableist language, clarification)
[edited 5/16/2016 because I realized slurs against intelligence are still ableist and don't accurately describe what I mean]

Comments

[dotgirl.livejournal.com]

I do feel special!

[erika]

I feel more privileged that YOU keep me on--I would've thought I was far too whiny for your delectable sweetness-and-light self.

"You love me! You really love me!"

[kyra.livejournal.com]

But I am a faerie! Or rather, a fairy. Or rather, a half-fairy.

Except I kinda like the term "queer" better. :P

Re: "You love me! You really love me!"

[erika]

Faerie != fairy. Faerie is glitter & stars & moon is my sister and that sort of thing. Fairy is hey, I dig my own sex, yeah. Also a little flamboyant, I would think. Anyway. Not same thing in my mind.

[xoxosimon.livejournal.com]

i do feel priviledged. every time i read something that i know you've got on a fairly exclusive filter, i feel incredibly lucky that you trust me and want me to read what you're writing; every time you comment on one of my posts, i'm flattered that you've read what i've written, and care enough to say something about it.

</comment type="fanboy">

[erika]

See, I do like you. Very much. And I respect you, and I think your comments are well written, and yay! You are my friend!

[rhapsodyinblue.livejournal.com]

I certainly do feel privileged! ;) And I'm glad that you are so thoughtful about this. I know I'll be doing necessary trimming when I switch over to a new journal this summer, and I appreciate your list of criteria!

[erika]

<nods> I think with a friends' list of 300 people, all of whom I read carefully, I need to have some sort of concrete idea about what I want to read!

[techieguru.livejournal.com]

Well, cool! How'd I manage to sneak by #6? ;)

[erika]

It's more of a clinical psychosis definition, actually. I had one very specific person in mind when I wrote that!

[alchemi.livejournal.com]

Well done.

[erika]

Thank you. Where's yours, again?

[furthermore.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure why you added me, seeing as how I probably don't fall into any of your 4 reasons for doing so. Nonetheless, I'm glad for it. :)

[erika]

I love your pictures, and I think you express yourself well through them, even if you don't update nearly enough.

pfeh!

[crickwooder.livejournal.com]

I am a shallow psychotic faerie with WINGS OF DEATH!

Yet you like me! I am moved! (Hi! Hi hi hi!)

Re: pfeh!

[erika]

Hi! Hi hi hi!

People from 3WA pretty much automagically get added. I figure anyone who knows who Pagina is rocks the hizouse.

[pastmidnight.livejournal.com]

I'm psychotic, I just hide it REAL well!! HAHAHA.

Whoa.

[erika]

Scarrrrrrry... . . .

Although I had too much caffeine this morning and a friend of mine asked me if I was sure I had a unipolar disorder, so I must've been similiarly scary.

[altoidsaddict.livejournal.com]

I don't believe I am a faerie, but I do need to figure out why I crap glitter.

[erika]

It's the TUMAH!

[redgreenblue.livejournal.com]

I don't claim to speak with brilliance and intelligence 100% of the time. In fact, I probably don't.

Nevertheless, I'm honored. :-)

[erika]

You could be reason 6) anyone who's smart enough to use winamp 2.9 like me. Btw, classic winamp skins can be found at http://classic.winamp.com/skins/ , oddly enough.

[zannah.livejournal.com]

I found number 3: "You're actually quite stupid, I just didn't notice at first" incredibly funny. Does this make me a bad person?

[erika]

No, it makes you a highly evolved soul!

[spr0cket.livejournal.com]

Erika, when do we get to have sex? I BROKE TWO OF MY VIBRATORS. *pouts*

(random entertainment because I'm too tired to come up with anything, you know, real comment-ish hehe)

[erika]

Soon! Soon! I promise! Can there be breastesses fondlingness? (Icon selected specifically for squicking purposes.)

[charmenders.livejournal.com]

Anna May Wong wishes to kiss you.

I'm blushing!

[erika]

 

[obscurek.livejournal.com]

Why thank you. I feel quite honoured. More importantly, if you impose such high standards on your friends list I'm going to have to start wandering through the three hundred and some odd people listed as your friend.

[erika]

Communities don't necessarily live up to such high standards--if you want to read my list without all the communities, use my Mike filter: http://saveyoursanity.livejournal.com/friends/mike -- it's a public filter I created for alchemi to see my friends' list without all my communities or syndication feeds.

[ex-djstarfox2.livejournal.com]

Glad to see self-esteem and Calvin & Hobbes are in your life. :)

[erika]

I figure tongue-in-cheek is better than whinewhinewhine.

[idea.livejournal.com]

how I find good journals

[erika]

I won't lie to you; it's not easy to find good livejournals. So many people here suck tremendous amounts of bad grammar, incredibly erroneous spelling, and are, well, plainly, bland. I definitely have spent a lot of time.

Two tools will help you: 1) friendsfriends and 2) friends-lists of the people on your friends' list who have good taste. Go through that and you will find people you like, eventually, but be prepared to spend time.

Pathetic? Me?

[listersgirl]

So I said to my roommate, "I am so pathetic...", intending to follow with comments about how, immediately upon reading this entry, I had to rush to make sure that I wasn't not as interesting as you first thought, because it's sadly very important that people like me.

But then she said, "Yes, yes you are", and the moment was over.

Are not!

[erika]

You are not pathetic. And I like you, whether you think that you are interesting or not.

[deadhero.livejournal.com]

I, too, am glad you're interesting to read and that you find me as such. You're one of the few people on multiple filters of mine (all but one, methinks), and that's saying a lot for someone I've never met in person.

In any case - Domo.

[erika]

You're welcome. And we should meet up someday, and also talk more on IM! You're still on mine, I just feel sort of silly randomly striking up a conversation with someone I'm not really sure likes me that much ('cause, y'know, why would you?) But anyway.

[stellae.livejournal.com]

I must say, I now feel very privileged to be on your friends list. :-)

[erika]

I'm glad. <hugs>

[thineownself.livejournal.com]

I also feel honored now.
Just the ego boost I needed before going to bed after an annoying train ride.
:)

[erika]

I'm glad to be able to boost your ego!

[thisautumn.livejournal.com]

hi erika.
i just realized that you added me and since i just decided to go friends only i'm glad i noticed before you saw me as elitist shallow hag.

[audrawilliams.livejournal.com]

Well merci!

[ex-jacaranda18.livejournal.com]

hello. you have listed the exact reasons why i add people. (and the faerie comment made me laugh.)

please don't be offended if i don't add you back, but i'll still drop in and read - i just don't want to commit to reading loads of journals that i may not have time for. it doesn't seem fair. you certainly won't be ignored.

i remember you from that thread. livejournal drama agogo.

[ex-jacaranda18.livejournal.com]

p.s. if you saw the number of journal entries i've made and think i'm actually friends only; it's all going to be public. it's just that i stuck some stuff on private and restarted.