save your sanity for later.

Hi, this is Erika.

I'm at the computer at the library across the street from my hou--where my house used to be. Everything in my house is gone. Everything, it's ... gone.

I was on the computer about midnight, when I smelled smoke. I had just been outside to take out the trash, and so I figured that it was just my parents smoking. My mother went upstairs and started screamed at me that the kitchen was on fire--I ran upstairs, and there was ... this inferno coming in from outside, my mother holding a fire extinguisher shouting at me frantically.

I pulled my little sister out of bed and shoved her outside; I ran into my parents' bedroom and woke up my father. My little brother was asleep downstairs, I remember running back downstairs and waking him up, carrying him halfway up the stairs when he wasn't fast enough.

I screamed and screamed and screamed. I thought the police officer who was restraining me from running back in the house was going to slap me for a few seconds there. I wasn't GOING to run back in the house, I just wanted to get to my family, who were at the neighbors to the north. I had gone to the house on the south, where the fire had spread to, to make sure that the woman who lived there was up. (She is fine, her dogs woke her up.)

You know people ask you "what would you save from a fire?" People answer "my cat" or "my purse" or "my safety deposit box." the answer is there is NO FUCKING TIME. there just ... it's gone, it's all gone.

I'm fine. Everyone in my family is fine, and that's the important thing. Even Rusty (the cat) is fine; I had let him out just a few minutes before. I'm the most badly hurt because I bruised my right shoulder fairly badly, I guess while I was pulling my sister out of the house, or maybe while I was restraining the next door neighbor's dogs. I spent the entire night awake, trying to call people, trying to reach my brother who doesn't have a cell phone anymore. The first person I got through to was AMK4, from 3WA--I left this truly fucking bizarre rambling message. poor guy.

The friend who posted my message was the second person I got through to ... he's been a fucking rock, so yeah. I am getting e'mails and whatnot. christ. I have no idea what the fuck to do, or what I need, or what. I miss my house, people. I miss my bed.

(for insurance reasons, I CANNOT speculate on what started the fire. Please understand and respect this in comments as well, as my computer access may be very limited in the coming weeks.)

They think that the house can be rebuilt--not even from ground up, just tear down the damaged bits & build from structural support.

My house is gone. It's ... well, mostly gone. TVs, beds, miscellaneous fucking CRAP THAT NO ONE FUCKING NEEDS UNTI IT IS GONE... my hair is so dry, I washed it 10 times trying to get the smoke out and I feel like I can still smell it. It's psychosomatic, I know. I still want my fucking conditioner.

90% of me just wants to move on. It's like "okay, the fire is over, time to get back to real life now." Only I can't. My real life is gone.

The other 10% is still outside my house, standing in front of it, watching my life go up in smoke. Watching the pillars of the breezeway fall and the smoke blurring my eyes so that all I can see is red, red, red.