sayonara or ciao, baby, it's all the same to me

[erika]

Had a huge fight with my mom today. This is very rare; she and I get along quite well on normal occasions, but she was pissed off today because she found out I has internet access (through tethering) and she doesn't, you know, because I kinda got it shut off due to a DMCA notice. (Yes, I was using PeerBlock.)

Since she's addicted to facebook games, yeah... it upset her she can't access them and I kinda can. I don't fucking play them anymore, but somehow it led to a fight anyway.

A fight over internet connection. Oh gods, we're addicted.

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I was thinking about getting a job, mainly so I could move out, but I'm going to be taking 16 credits this fall and I just don't think I have the spoons for it. My SSDI is less than $900 a month (and that's counting food stamps), so if I got a job where my net pay was 10 dollars an hour and I worked 10-15 hours a week, I could probably afford to move out but ... I honestly don't think I can do it. Not and go to school more than full time. If I had successfully finished a full time semester before, I would try, at least, but I haven't.

There is a room in a co-op house available for $269 a month—that would leave me money for everything else, but I'd also be living with 20+ other people. zomg leavemethefuckaloneeeeeee!!1!1!!eleventy.

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Amusingly, my bank called me again (this is the third time in the last year) to verify purchases. It's not that I don't appreciate it, it's just that you'd think they'd have a note in my account by now, something along the lines of: college student who gets her loans then buys tons of weird shit off the internet.

(Including 80 dollars worth of buttons & some magnets from this awesome etsy shop (WARNING, THAT IS AN ETSY LINK). ... yeah, I can't explain that one, really. I'm not even manic! [or bipolar!]

They're really fucking awesome buttons, though. I just gotta say. I'll take pics when I get 'em.)

---

Updates on various things I've mentioned recently:

Ellen: still hasn't replied to my last email. I'm a little worried that she doesn't want to be friends anymore. My therapist suggested I reach out to her if she hasn't contacted me a few days from now.
My intuition—let me show you it—says that I don't really need her support. This is bolstered by two tarot readings I've gotten over the past few days, both extremely well done, by panda and recessional.

Chance: hasn't tried to contact me. . . . I am not okay with this, but whatever. I told him to fuck off, so he's doing the gentlemanly thing (probably) and letting me be the one to get back in contact. Or he hates my guts, one of the two.

My circling meme for the mentally ill on Dreamwidth is going well. It reached two pages, at the mo', and I personally have gained at least 5 dwlisters from it. (Hi! I talk a lot!) So far I've only had negative feedback from one person, as well, which I appreciate.

Heath: Did I mention I'd broken up with him? Let's see. -checks entries- No, no, I did not. Well, I broke up with him, like, two weeks ago. I'm not really broken up about it, as you can tell, having totally forgotten to mention it.

Comments

[shanaqui]

There is a room in a co-op house available for $269 a month—that would leave me money for everything else, but I'd also be living with 20+ other people. zomg leavemethefuckaloneeeeeee!!1!1!!eleventy.

Totally with you on this reaction. I lived in a hall of residence in my first year, and oh god. PEOPLE.

[erika]

Seriously. One of the best things about living with my parents is that should I choose, I can go days without talking to anyone. It's almost like having my own place.

[alwayswondered]

I am British and don't know what a co-op house is, but when I first moved to London I rented a room in a five-bedroomed house for £85 per week and it was such a hideous ordeal that I honestly don't know how I coped for a year and a half. When I moved out there were ten people living there including me and the place was overrun by hamsters. WTF, other people.

[erika]

It's hard to describe. Basically it's like a hippie kind of place where the rents are low in exchange for everyone taking turns at making dinner, doing repairs, gardening, etc.

[alee_grrl]

There is a room in a co-op house available for $269 a month—that would leave me money for everything else, but I'd also be living with 20+ other people. zomg leavemethefuckaloneeeeeee!!1!1!!eleventy.

Gods above there is no way I could live in a house with that many people! I've lived with other people a lot in my 31 years, and have actually only had my own place twice. I pay a slightly ridiculous amount for a studio within walking distance of my school (which is in a small town, so there aren't many options to begin with). It's worth every penny though since it is a comfy studio and my landlords are nice.

On an unrelated note: Beanforest buttons ftw! I love that etsy shop. :)

[erika]

I know. Every time I think about it, I think WOW 269 DOLLARS A MONTH, I could keep my current lifestyle and not live with my parents!

And then I think yeah but I'd be living with POSSIBLY MORE THAN TWENTY OTHER PEOPLE, and then I realize I am way too crazy for that.

[alee_grrl]

I think those willing to live with more than twenty other people are the crazy ones. ;) I can see where the temptation is though. When I was in undergrad I lived for about a year in a couple's computer room (there was a daybed in there), and they constantly were coming in and out. The husband also kept hitting on me. The only reason I stayed as long as I did was a) it was cheap, and b) it meant I didn't have to live in the dorms or with my mom. The situation got so bad that I eventually moved back in with my mom, whose mental illness has never been treated (she will swear it doesn't exist).

[erika]

ugh (re: mom's MI). My parents are pretty fucking awesome to live with; they don't even care that I smoke in my room, forex, or if I bring people home. Also they don't make me pay rent.

Why do I want to move out again?

[alee_grrl]

Yeah, my mom's MI has a lot to do with my own, but I've been away from her for awhile now. I lived with my dad and grandmother for a while just before and after my Peace Corps years and that wasn't so bad. I can still see why you would want to have your own place though.

I can also completely understand not working while taking 16 credit hours. School is exhausting all on its own without the added stress of work.